remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
