i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
