No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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