If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
