Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
