i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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