This is not my ceiling
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
