Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
