Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
