He passed out mid-signature
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
