Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
3pm strippers are depressing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
