he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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