I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
