everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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