Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
