At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
