Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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