I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We are all done wearing pants today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
