Betty ford says i'm here all night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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