I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
