just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
