Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
