Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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