____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
