I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
