Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
