so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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