I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
