god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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