dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
