I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
