my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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