is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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