we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
