There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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