i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
