I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
