before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
