you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
