I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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