He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
