I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
