If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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