My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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