got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My pussy is not your playground.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
