last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
