Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
