dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
