there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
