I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
