then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
