you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
