Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
